I can't complain, Brave. Though its the morning where I'm at: if I wasn't out of my bed by now, I'm sure someone would have kicked me out of it by now :P Anyways, onto Gekko.
In many ways his personality suffers because his history isn't completed yet. I know he has had problems but I can't see what those problems where, or when they occurred. You do a wonderful job of explaining what drove him to the martial arts, as well as his anger, but you've only included one example as to the consequences of those emotions: that's when he pounds the living snot out of some thugs. I also like the parallel you made between himself and Yamamoto, and I encourage you to highlight that when you explain his history. You've hit a good length, have some very nice points, but I feel his history needs some exposure to really make the section "shine". My favourite paragraph is probably the second. You explain his current mental state, how his subordinates view him, and how his duty effects him. Kudos on that.
Well, that doesn't sound like cheap innuendo at all, right? Regardless, as I've already said, thanks a lot for commenting on my guide, and abuse my ideas as much as you like, that's what they're there for. That and boosting my self-confidence by dictating what issues to discuss and think about at any given time, harr-harr!
At any rate, time to get to business, you may already be aware of this, but this previous year I actually spent one year in a private school taking classes in writing. During this time I learned how to read stories and literature in ways I was unable to do something before, essentially, it improved my ability to look at writing critically. So yeah, if you bring me a few links relating to the current main characters, I can probably give you feedback upon how they are, if they're varied and developed enough and if you took the advice I gave you two years ago to heart.
But I can probably do more than that, I can examine certain chapters you're uncertain about for clichés, overdone plot elements and unfortunate implications and plot holes. I can then tell you, based upon my own experience what I think of them and how they hold up as stories of fiction. There's probably a limit to what I can do of course, as I'm fairly busy these days, but I should always be able to make some time for an old friend.
Not at all :P Yeah, you mentioned the writing course to me a while ago, actually. I'd love to try something like that one day but for now I'm simply focused on my work and hobbies, not to mention hanging out with my mates. A lot of them went to university so when we do see each other, it tends to be a party.
I moved things on from Kenji and his generation to the next (with most of the old cast dying in an event which merged the Soul Society, Horiwari, and two other fanon realms I made). Kentaro is the new main character with an assortment of fanon and canon characters by his side, as they attempt to restore order to the new realm whilst maintaining the Spirit Cycle. He leads the survivors of the Ryu Order against the survivors of the Gotei 13 (Gotei Remnant), whose leader is corrupt, focusing on ruling this new realm rather than upholding the Spirit Cycle. He'll eventually establish a new Gotei 13, which will lead into Part V, which will be my final segment.
At the minute the only Parts of my old story that are relevant are Parts III and IV (the latter being my latest work). I'm going to go back and re-do Parts I and II at some point but at present Part IV takes precedence. The storyline is Bleach: Cataclysm and a supplementary "book" was released along with it: Cataclysm. If you want to tell me what you think of the premise that would be great.
So, you're focusing more or less exclusively on Kentaro and Akiye I see; an interesting premise I guess, although a tad limited. Might just be that I prefer reading about close-knit groups where everyone gets an equal share of the action, the fewer main characters, the narrower the focus, but it also makes character development and inter-character dynamics a lot harder to accomplish. This could of course work, if you manage to pull off the interactions between Kentaro and Akiye superbly well. I've skimmed through Kentaro and Akiye, and one of the first things I noted was just how much more powerful Kentaro is than her, I'm sensing a pattern here, not only with you, but with a lot of fanon writers in general. In a setting like the Bleachverse, character power, whether it be personal, political and military is an extremely important facet of the character, and generally, the more powerful characters tend to be the ones who go through the most development over a story. They can fight the biggest fights, face the biggest threats, and they're the ones people generally talk about. Their power becomes more than just a kick-ass selection of skills, it becomes a significant part of what drives the story forwards.
In regards to Akiye, the difference between them, the fact that they, ability-wise remain unequal is a potential problem you might want to address sooner rather than later, I don't know why you've made her weaker than Kentaro, if I remember correctly, she was originally part of a pretty powerful criminal organization, but I hope you ain't done it in order to allow her to become a potential tool to use against him in the future. Kidnapping the heroes love interest and holding them hostage to get an edge over them went out of style a decade ago in all honesty. Yet still people keep on using it.
If you decide to go that route, make them pay for doing it, and most importantly of all do not completely and utterly damsel her, she's still an intelligent woman, and pretty powerful besides, if they make a mistake, have her escape on her own. Even clichés can be salvageable if they're done and written extremely well, and break many of the conventions to make the situation unique.
So yeah, in regards to Akiye, you should probably boost her up quite a bit over the course of this story, while leaving Kentaro more or less as he currently is. From my end at least, it'd be a lot more interesting about the two of them fighting the villains together as a true battle-couple and as equals, than it would be to watch Kentaro beat the bajeesus out of most of the actual threats while Akiye mostly stands on the sidelines, being relegated to taking care of the smaller fry.
Beyond that though, Akiye is something else. She's nothing close to your typical romantic lead, she's not soft-hearted (as expected from a former member of a criminal organization), knows what she wants, ongoing war be damned and she's got drive and focus, but, here's the thing: a drive towards what? What is Akiye's goal, does it merely default to reflect Kentaro's goal or does she have a distinct objective for herself? If she doesn't, she should probably get one, an objective that perhaps differs from Kentaro in some way, an excellent way to give birth to some conflict and challenge their relationship. Because for their romance to stay relevant and interesting, it needs to be challenged over the course of the story.
Now, as for the premise of the Cataclysm itself; it's got potential, but there's not really that much information written up on it at the moment. I guess you could have yourself a post-apocalyptic setting here, it's become more common as of late. I'd like to see how it goes later, if you've got any chapters you're particularly pleased about I'd love to have a look.
Kentaro's definitely the focus. I've got nothing to challenge that with or dispute what you say in any way, though I have posted several -- well, I call 'em filler chapters (they're still considered canon), but they're really reference material -- to show off group dynamics and other characters, specifically the experience and wisdom someone of Kensei's age can bring to Kentaro, and the link Sanada offers to the past; particularly in regards to his relationship with Kenji. Those are but two examples.
Akiye, though, is one character you'll be happy to hear that I haven't even scratched the surface with yet. She drives Kentaro: in that sense she's his pillar, his support, and his confident. He'd operate far less efficiently without her, though the same isn't same in reverse. She's her own woman: strong, dedicated, confident and merciless when she needs to be. Ino, however, was everything you described above. Sure, she was there, but you'll recall how little impact she had: it was all Kenji. Akiye is the exact opposite of that. Like you say she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to do what's necessary to get it. She's the realism tempering Kentaro's naivete. But her role isn't to be a damsel; no, sir. I just haven't had a medium yet to really showcase the advancement in her skills and attitude from Part III. Here's one example from Part III for instance. Akiye fights Ichihara Kohai (a villain whose power was equivalent to Kenji's at the end of Part II when he helped defeat Averian) and she more-or-less dominated the battle. Kentaro, on the other hand, fought Nakajima Kohai (same power as Ichihara) and he was almost killed. The time-skip between Part III and IV is little more than a month or two so that should provide some insight to Akiye's level: the difference is simply exposure.
At the moment I reference characters and events as I go along instead of posting it all in one go, or explaining it all right off the bat. That's where the problem of focus you mentioned comes in: Kentaro's very much at the centre at the moment, everyone else is secondary, but he'll eventually realise that he can't do everything on his own. Kentaro is the strongest, yes, but they still occupy the same "level". Kentaro has just had more of his skills demonstrated. Information on the Collapse is scarce for this very reason. In-story the characters simply don't know what triggered it, other than who caused it, which will all be revealed later.
One chapter I particularly liked was Putting Names to the Faces, which was the penultimate chapter of the first arc of Part IV. There was no combat, a bit of character development for everyone involved, and it served to explain some of the origins of the resurgent Imawashi, and it never got too lengthy either. It's probably one of the ones I had the most fun writing.
So, I was doing some google images trolling today, and found this image. I could be wrong, but it reminds me a lot of your main character, Kenji, so I dunno whether you'd wanna use it for Kenji or for another character of yours, but it is yours if you like it.
Wouldn't it have been easier to have just made a list of links of the articles to send to whoever you'd like to delete them instead of going through them all and removing the content? Might make the whole fresh start thing easier, bud.
You miss my point; this isn't the first time I've asked for my articles to be be deleted. I've asked three-to-four times already and they're still there, untouched. Also I don't know the exact name of every article I wanted to delete, meaning I would need to sort through them all regardless of how I went about it. Besides, it took like an hour; not exactly a lot of time on my behalf, nor did it require a lot of effort. Also the logs (if you wanna look for them) would be there regardless on the wiki.
I get what you're saying but I'm looking a new start; that means the old stuff on-here goes, leaving only my new stuff here in the KenjiHiroshi category.
Yeah, it's been a while. I trust you've been doing well? I'm still active on TBF but Sei posted the idea for the extra species, and I decided to make one up for it over here. In the middle of doing that I decided I'd resurrect a dropped story idea (Tower of Night) and bring it over here too.
I've been doing quite well, just came back from a college-like school where I studied writing. I use the term "college-like" for while it had many elements of college or a boarding school, as you might be more familiar With. It had no exams, no tests and no grades. Meaning that you were free to learn and absorb information without feeling any kind of pressure, it was all very casual and comforting.
I wish I had the time for something like that. Sounds quite fulfilling and helpful; it's the type of learning I react to best, as I never had much love of school environment and exams. I've just been taking each day as it comes really. I'm still working away thankfully but my boss is a monumental asshole.
Ah, seems to be a common problem lately. I must be one of the few who still enjoys the manga :) Thankfully though I was never that bothered about ignoring the original plot if it suited my needs, so my ideas are still bubbling away lol.
It's not that I don't enjoy the manga. It's that, well, it's hard for me to actually grasp anything solid to work with. One day (maybe today?), we gotta sit down on chat or something and actually sort something out with these ideas of mine that are fluttering about with no structure.
See...I don't think any of my old characters really reflect my new development as a writer. I want to start fresh, but I dunno which angle to start from. I might just go from the basics and have a cast of four relatively normal individuals (in terms of their race) and build it up from there...maybe.
And, I love Averian's new concept! Definitely something engaging to work with.
Yeah, he's an annoyance; but if you stay on his good side, and he might just help you out lol.
Right, let's run wiith this a sec. Now that you've got the basic characters done, what's the premise? How do they come together and what are their motivations? My version of Kenji on here only has two notable bonds: Jet, a Gwyllgi, and Maya Zhijun and he can't understand why they stick with him. He's a loner you see. Work out basic personality points and work it from there.
Quincy: His name will be Mitsunari Ishida (Aww Yiss history) and will be one of the last actual Pure-blooded Quincy of the Ishida line. You could say he lives off of his duty - he's known little else. Since birth, he was constantly told stories of the Ishida's glory, and the downfall of everyone who opposed them. He seeks out all antagonistic threats to this legend's existence - Hollows, Fullbringers, Arrancar, and Shinigami. I believe he would make contact with the rest of the cast through this sense of duty and superiority.
Arrancar: His name shall be...Félix Firnas. One of the many Numeros who were considered to be just footsoldiers for Aizen, Félix uses the death of his comrades as an opportunity to seek out more power and gain the recognition he so rightly wants. In this process, he appears to go to the Human World to impose his domination, and comes across the Fullbringer of the cast, whom he teaches to control her powers (to initially keep them under control). He'll come across the Shinigami and Quincy due to evident racial conflict.
Fullbringer: Her name shall be Scarlet, with her surname abandoned. Grown up in a European nation, Scarlet was ostracized for her supposed genetic mutation that individuals did not know of. She experienced occasions where she was able to perform psychic feats that caused scientists to keep her enclosed in an unethical human laboratory. Eventually, with the help of an unnamed individual (possibly Neutral or Antagonistic force), she would be transferred to Karakura Town and live there. She would meet the Arrancar, Quincy and Shinigami out of curiousity for her own identity.
Shinigami: Her name shall be Hangaku Gozen. A Seated Officer of the Gotei 13 who has always wanted to prove to her predecessors that women do not have to be in the Kidou Corps among her family, she strives to be the epitome of what a Shinigami can do - attempting to master all combat forms and the like. On duty in the Human World due to sighting of a certain Arrancar, Hangaku faces several struggles between her motivations to become the best by ascending the ranks, and her morality. To ascend, she must kill these people - each of whom pose no real threat to Soul Society. Or, to be morally bound, she will befriend them.
Their exact journeys together? I'm unsure. I honestly made that up on the spot. XD
And what's wrong with making up stuff on the spot? I'm a big fan of that ('cause I do it all the time lol). Now fire off a plot! Keep it short at first and then expand upon it as the need dictates. Maybe a four-part origin story focusing on each individual character to start with, followed by an epilogue concerning them all?
Ashy, was wondering if you'd do me yet another translation favor? I'm gonna Bleachify the main sword-style used in Samurai Deeper Kyo for my version of Kenji over here, but I'm unsure if the translation on wikipedia is anywhere near right. What I'm looking for is Sword of Devilish Wind.
I just thought to inform you, as a fellow Roleplayer and Admin Lieutenant, that a new User by the name of Sir-Nicholas attempted to vandalize a Saburo Ryuu Article of yours. Just wanted to give you a heads up.
Sadly, I don't. Would love to learn the language though. As it stands at the moment I know only a few phrases, terms, etc. I assume (after seeing your message to Fire earlier) that this is for translations? If you're having trouble in that area, then I suggest the following sites:
Those two sites are quite reliable: certainly more so than google translate. I find it's quite effective using the three of them in conjunction. EUDict is great for the kanji, while nihongodict is brilliant for converting that kanji into its written meanings. You can then cross-check with google translate if you wish. Hope this helps!